Last night, I almost sent this to you.
Thank God “almost” doesn’t count.
Everything inside me knew it was wrong but my finger stood poised over the send button. It twitched as it debated.
I watched it.
I told myself this was a temporary lapse in judgement and if I would just fall asleep, I would forget this feeling.
And I did.
There is someone else in my life but you know that, by now. It’s been months since I’ve seen you. Soon enough, it’ll be years and everything will mean nothing.
And I can’t wait for that day.
You will never have me again and no matter how many emails I draft, you will receive not one. I know you like I know myself and I see you sitting there, thinking about me, missing me and everything I made possible for us. I see you, shaking your head, wondering where it all went wrong and blaming everything and everyone but yourself.
I see you, you fuck.
I may miss you for five minutes now and again but you motherfucker you –– you will have to live the rest of your life hating yourself for tearing your family apart.
For punching holes in everything you claim to love.
Yeah, I almost sent this to you but, like you and all the years I wasted with you…
…almost doesn’t fucking count.
So, fuck you and good night.
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